Why I Couldn't Choose Homeschool

Monday was our first day of school and let me clarify, the beginning of our second year of homeschool! 

We chose homeschool last year for last year, not as a lifelong educational commitment. Since we had decided to take homeschool one year at a time, last spring brought decision time around again. I spent a couple of weeks in my journal asking the Lord the same question, "Do I homeschool again?" No answer. I fasted. I prayed. Still I didn't feel like He was giving me any clear direction. Now I was sweating and school deadlines were fast approaching. I tried to figure it out on my own by listing pros and cons, talking to mentors and family, and I even asked Caleb.  He said he liked "school," but he also really liked having school at home with his brothers and I was really a good teacher (teacher's pet!) He truly seemed happy and open to go either way. Big help! My husband was supportive and praying with me but he didn't have a definitive answer for me either other than to keep seeking the Lord. I was at that place of desperation and doubt wondering if God even cared about this decision. But I kept asking and my fear transitioned to faith that He would meet me. Then one morning I knew His Spirit was speaking in my heart, and He answered but not how I expected.

He said: Here is why I don't want you to choose homeschool:

• Fear - There is plenty out there to fear if you're a parent. (I'm probably behind but I just heard of the way kids are using this snap chat app! Yikes!) I believe I have a responsibility to guard the innocence of my young children, but I can not let myself make decisions that are fear-driven. Choices rooted in an unhealthy human fear numbs our faith and will never bring life and peace. God reminded me: Choose to homeschool from faith. I have called you. I will be with you. I have a purpose in this for your kids beyond keeping them safe. 
• Control - Again, God reiterated don't look at homeschool for all the things you are in control of keeping out.The bigger picture is that because we don't have to meet time and energy requirements for an institutional school, we are free to choose not just what is good but what is best for us as a family unit and each child - curriculum, time, experiences. 
• False Expectations - You can not believe there is a promise that if you homeschool, your kids WILL love and follow Jesus. We do not serve a God of methods. If I do this, I get that. If I make sacrifices and give up financial and social opportunities to homeschool, then of course God will bless me with rock solid whole-hearted little followers of Christ. That is a lie that I think will breed a lot of bitterness in the long run. God doesn't ever OWE us anything! If I choose to homeschool, I must do it in faith that God has called me to it for His purposes. Purposes that He will reveal along the way as I look to Him every day. 

If someone had asked me did I choose homeschooling for any of the above reasons, I would have said absolutely not! Oh but how the Holy Spirit has a way of getting deep deep into our hearts, humbling us, and revealing where lies have crept in that we didn't even know were there! God knew I needed a heart check before we could proceed...

Then in His ever gracious way the Lord showed me I want you to homeschool another year for the following GIFTS:

• Time - I'm thankful and really excited for our curriculum this year, but I do think our children could get solid instruction at some excellent institutional schools. However, homeschool is the only option that offers Kennon and I the priceless gift of more time with our boys during these formative years. If my oldest who is currently six was in traditional school he would be gone roughly 7-8 hours. Then you have homework, sports, etc. By bedtime his school and peers have gotten more time with him than his dad and I. One day I will have to figure all that out, and I trust God's grace and wisdom to be there! But today God has given our family the gift of more time together through homeschool. I could give so many examples of the experiences this extra time affords our family and each child, but that is for another post!
• Childhood - I'm a type A mama of routine and schedule! But God has used homeschool to loosen me up a bit so my boys can marinate in the gift of their childhood. We do school on picnic blankets under the clouds, on nature walks, and sometimes even in forts. We snuggle up to read not just books but great stories morning, afternoon, and evening. While they still are so full of wonder, I'm thankful for the homeschool gift of an atmosphere that nurtures childhood.
• Joy - Last year, I was prepared for my first year as a homeschool mom to be good but really hard. I knew it would take sacrifice but that it would be worth it because the Lord had called me to it. And indeed, there were challenging moments, exhausted moments, moments full of doubt and fear, but my biggest surprise was that all those moments were overshadowed by God's gift of joy! I don't know why but joy was never one of the words that came to my mind when we initially decided to homeschool. As I shared this with a friend, she said, "So you would be really sad, if someone told you that you couldn't homeschool your kids!" I thought about it, and said "Yes! The only way I wouldn't be sad is if God clearly called us to something else."

So that's it. THAT's why I'm schooling our boys this year. I believe the joy that I experienced last year came in large part from obedience, and I want to keep walking in obedience, whatever that may look like each year. God doesn't ask us to follow a parenting method but to follow Him and find great delight in His promise to be with us! 

And so we have begun...

Traditional first day pancakes: PK, JK, 1

I had a few fun "school" presents that the boys will be using this year:

Playdough for making letters, numbers, shapes, and anything his little mind can conceive

Luke's own magnetic chalkboard/white board for writing and pre reading skills

"Draw Write Now" Art book and fruity smelling drawing pencils

Each week Jonathan will be adding his letter of the week to our Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Tree!

We played the game "Wood Pieces in a Bag" to learn how we would be using big lines, little lines, big curves, and little curves to make letters this year. (Handwriting Without Tears)

Luke working on his I'm Special/ All About Me book.

My big first grader leading the way!